Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing.
-- A A Milne
As Christmas gets closer I find myself thinking more and more of our Angel Alessa. As I sit here I just realize that its her her fourth Christmas in Heaven, and I am reminded how hard that first Christmas was. Not that any of them get easier... Just more and more tolerable as time goes by. But there is not a day that goes by that we wonder why and what if.
The first Christmas was the worst though. And thank God I had the resources to help us through. Resources meaning family support and some wonderful people on the internet.
One of the first places I found was the M.I.S.S. Foundation founded by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore. There are some wonderful resources there.
I found this quote from Dr Cacciatore
"Wave of Surrender"
14 years ago, on July 27, 1994, my beloved
child died.
"I was catapulted into dark, deep waters where waves of pain and loss
crashed down upon me relentlessly. Grief, like a powerful rip tide, ensnared me
and then carried me far from the familiar shore. I could no longer see my home
between the waves that hammered me, and I fought for even a glimpse of the
recognizably blue sky. The waves persisted ... and tumbled me, over and over
and over, disorienting and confusing me. All was darkness and panic. I fought
it. Occasionally, I would reach the coveted surface for a desperate, gasp of
saline-laced air only to be wrenched back under moments later. Pockets full of
time, direction, and reason were emptied into the hungry ocean. Grief filled my
lungs. I would not survive unless I surrendered.
And so I surrendered."
When i read this I was amazed that I had felt exactly what she was describing. She put the words to it though and I could understand even more of what my daughter was going through. Although I could feel the pain it was just so indescribable there were no words, and as soon as I read those words it hit me that was how it felt.
The other place I found to be very helpful was Compassionate Friends . It is a good place to find support. They have a Worldwide Candle lighting Ceremony coming up on December 10.
That first Christmas I made my daughter a scrapbook with pictures I had made with graphics off the internet and poems most of them can be seen here. There are also some name pictures from other people.
About one month after Alessa died I had a dream that I saw Alessa's name in the sand the next day I found Carly's blog and she wrote Alessa in the sand for us. After that I got the idea to do my names in the sand and that's how I got started.
This month I'm going to make one idea a day off of pinterest. So today for Day 1 I made an ornament in my blog theme of the beach. I took a glass ornament filed it with sand and shells and you have a cute little beach themed ornament.
